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~ Wednesday, November 24 ~
~ Monday, November 22 ~
Be
There is no other way to describe the realtionship between us than a strange, electric connection of self destruction. It’s the hardest decision I’ve had to make because we are almost the same person. Why I am so attracted to him, I don’t know. But I know that I am and that’s all that should matter. To just be is nice and I think he understands that. It is enough to just walk and be. It is enough just to be. It is enough just to be.
~ Sunday, November 21 ~
beautifulllll.
chaos
- I wrote this in English class one day. It’s a scattered piece of writing of my thoughts, and I didn’t really know what to do with it, so I decided to post it here. Mind me, this is a very unorganized journal, I just wrote whatever came to mind.
I was told to write a journal about games that you play in your head. But I am going out on a limb and writing about my mind. I am a person who is very much stuck in my own mind in the first place. My mind is a tornado I can see ready to hit, but for some reason I am mesmerized and don’t run away from it. When I don’t run away, I begin to think deep, long life thoughts, the way yogis would tell you how to breathe. My mind breathes information like air to the lungs, yet I can’t seem to spit it back out. These thoughts take on the same sensation like carbon dioxide stuck in my lungs, and I begin to suffocate and go crazy. But strangely, I don’t mind having these thoughts which are the origin of my anxiety and madness. I feel as if they didn’t exist, nothing would be left of me because it’s what keeps me alive.
Rebirth is something I think can only be believed by people who have not hit rock bottom. When you hit rock bottom, you realize that every experience and moment of despair makes you what you are.
The other day, I watched Pink Floyd’s guitarist, Syd Barrett on his acid trip that was publicized. It seems as if these psychadellic drugs let you go past your own limiting mind, and discover what’s important and learn about the human condition. You find out how unimportant certain things are that people stress about regularly, and discover your deep inner self of sexuality, friends and beliefs. This video really affected how I think of life. Had I seen this a few years ago, it would not have affected me. I had a moment of clarity, and it was magnificent.
It is hard for people who don’t suffer madness to see and understand these spurts of energy and dayts of lethargy we go through. They don’t understand that this is how we live, exist. It is not controllable, this madness hits us all of a sudden. After these moments of madness, you realize how much vibrance and color there is nin the world after being engulfed in the jaws of craziness. I am in my realm of becoming right now. I am experiencing so many superior and beautiful moments in my life. I believe I will never actually be in the realm of being because I am constantly switcihng back and forth from sane to insane. The collapse of myself began when I was a small girl. As a youngster, I planned on running away, and I could feel that I was different from other kids. I began as a sinking ship, and am now trying to stop the water from entering. It takes tremendous efforts, and in the meantime, I am going through strange incidents and experiencing new, erratic feelings.
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~ Monday, October 11 ~
lovin itttt
I meant to write about death, only life came breaking in as usual.
(Source: twoshadesofhope)
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I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.
~ Wednesday, July 28 ~
~ Tuesday, July 20 ~
top 5
gloomy day outside. high fidelity has inspired me top make ‘top 5 lists’
so here we go:
top five books with incredible characters:
1. running with scissors - augusten burroughs
2. the perks of being a wallflower - stephen chbosky
3. extremely loud and incredibly close - jonathan safran foer
4. holes - louis sachar
5. a heartbreaking work of staggering genius - dave eggers
top 5 movies that made me cry like a baby:
1. the basketball diaries
2. requiem for a dream
3. p.s. i love you
4. thirteen
5. stand by me
~ Friday, July 9 ~
Posts that have made me click the 
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Literary Syndromes
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